RAPE TALK

12.23.08

happy hoe-lidays from knuckles deep! we took a long break there and we apologize from the cockles of our hearts.

for this special and possibly most offensive entry yet, i asked art director, aislinn b. palmer, to take on the task of our holiday entry. behold............RAPE TALK!

If an alien race were to study humans by following Dana around for a day, they would think that the words "jew," "anal," "rape," "cunt," and "abortion" were anchors of the English language. This is why it should come as no surprise that yesterday, during our snow-day shopping spree, the conversation turned to an intensive discussion of which would be worse: getting raped or losing a finger. The question was posed in the café inside of Macy’s, at a small table overlooking the perfume department, and may or may not have been overheard by a teenage girl eating with her mother.
I maintained that I’d rather be GHB-raped than lose any finger (I wouldn’t remember it, just feel dirty and violated), but I’d rather lose a pinky finger than be violently, consciously raped, because that would probably cause flashbacks and stuff. If it was a question of losing a more important finger, like an index finger, that is a harder choice.
Dana claimed that any type of rape was better than losing any finger, or toe, because her hands and feet are so pretty. And the loss of any finger might compromise her accordion skills.
The world is better off for this conversation having taken place. Happy Holidays.

WOMB PAIN

7.29.08
last week, here at knuckles deep, we dipped our toes into the ocean of issues in the world. today we bring up another pressing and important topic: birth control.

i would like to make the following disclaimer: i will try to keep the graphic nature of this post as it pertains to my lady parts at a minimum. continue at your own risk.

i got to go to the lady doctor yesterday to have my IUD removed and replaced. it is about 20 minutes of ridiculous discomfort and pain that comes with the end result of 5 years of baby-free living. as if the terrible-ness of the procedure itself wasn't enough, for the next few days my uterus will be as angry as that one time i threw kevin in the bathtub just to see how she would react (not well is the answer, not well at all). also, i'm enjoying the hilarity of an after care sheet that tells me to 'not put anything in my vagina for the next two days'. not 'refrain from sexual intercourse' or something a little more medicinal sounding. simply, 'don't put anything in your vagina'. it doesn't get any more succint than that i suppose. they should probably suggest some alternatves, like anal or h.j.'s.

moral of the story: ladies, don't get pregnant. dudes, don't get ladies pregnant. and while i may bitch about my womb/uterus/cervix for the next couple days, it's ultimately worth it. because i won't be getting knocked up any time soon. and that is awesome because babies are gross.

knuckles deep would also like to remind you that IUD's, the birth control pill/patch, norplant, depo et al. do not prevent the contraction of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. please, use a condom.

AIDS PAYS

7/18/08

i asked my art director, aislinn b. palmer, to take on the duties (haha, doody's) of explaining todays message, as she has a much better way with words than i do. and because she has AIDS.

dana r. larkin

Knuckles Deep  cares about the issues, and today marks our first foray into politics: "AIDS PAYS."  Not only is it a hilarious rhyme at the expense of those suffering from a deadly, incurable* disease, it's a barb in the heart of Big Pharm, who make millions of dollars off their pain.  Fuck you, Pfizer.

*In a one-man study with no control group, owning movie theaters and being a former NBA star appears to cure AIDS.  Unfortunately, most AIDS patients spend all their money on drug cocktails, leaving little left over for experimental theater ownership therapy.

Aislinn B. Palmer

Art Director