SHIT HEAD

8.6.08

in case you hadn't noticed, last week (or the week before) was new phone book time in the greater seattle area.  when the new phone book comes, i always watch 'the jerk'.  'the jerk' is definitely in my top ten movies of all time.  anyway, that's why today's message is shit head.  and if you don't understand why, then stop being a tard and watch 'the jerk'.  it will make your special purpose tingle.

KENT TIME

8.1.08

sorry about yesterday's lack of post. busy busy in the offices of knuckles deep come the end of the month.

august is going to be all about kent. i'm spending the upcoming weekend in kent with stacy. spending the weekends in kent with stacy was a pretty frequent happening back in the glory days of angel working the 'roke down at the virginia. drink and sing all night at a crappy old man bar, back to stacy's apartment for malt liquor in the hot tub (clothing optional!), sleep, sleep, sleep and wake up in the a.m. to go get safeway chinese food, pray for a top model marathon, take a nap and do it all over again. it was awesome. so when i was invited to stay out there this weekend, i said 'sure thing!'. i'm hoping we find time to go see stepbrothers and take kent on by storm like in the days of yore.

for the last 3 weeks of august, my parents (who live in kent) will be out of town, which means i'm on weekend duty to feed frannie. housesitting for my parents used to be wicked awesome before i finally got around to getting cable at my house. oh well, i'm sure they will have some good food in the freezer and my mom never lets me down on the mikes hard lemonade tip. rad. oh and they just remodeled the bathroom leaving it with what is supposed to be a completely off the hizzle jacuzzi tub. aces.

happy weekend from knuckles deep and be safe. don't drink too much at seafair, go oberto! (you're welcome, dan). if you're in the ballard area on saturday night, go to conor byrne and check out guthrie scarr, he's awesome. and pretty.

SICK CATS

7.30.08

knuckles deep spokescat is having bathroom problems.  i should be excited to have such an advanced cat that knows how to empathize with me and my plumbing/lady part issues.

all last night, kevin was making frequent trips to the litter box, but to no avail.  in fact, she's back in there now trying to 'go'.  it's actually really sad to see her in there trying to make some magic happen but not getting any love.  luckily, my neighbor, tammy, is a veterinarian.  at 930 i knocked on tammy's door to ask her about our problem.  poor tammy was in her bathrobe about to get in the tub, but she was nice enough to come up to my place and take a look at kevtronic.  she said that it was probs a UTI and that i needed to take her to the vet to get some meds.  unfortch, tammy no longers works in a private vet office, so she was unable to score me the goods.

when i got to work this morning, i started doing some calls and pricing to find out how much this was going to set me back.  the first few places i called left me with 'quotes' in the $150-200 range.  that's when i started crying.  no joke.  see, i love my cat more than i love most people and by golly if $200 was what it was going to take, then so be it.  except for the fact that i don't have $200.  anyway, i dried my eyes, blew my nose and continued in my plight for a cheaper option.  that's when i remember the animal clinic of roxbury.  i had taken kev there once a few years ago and while their office is a little old (and ridiculously hot!), the doctor is really nice and they're very reasonably priced.  called them, was told that it shouldn't be more than $50-60 to take care of the issue, so i made an appointment.

we just got back from the vet and kevin was a pure delight.  i kid.  she was a total cunt, but, she didn't bite or scratch anyone, so i guess all in all the trip was a success.  also, the visit AND her antibiotics cost me less than $50.  fuckin w00t!

knuckles deep would like to thank dan and becky for the use of their cat carrier and the animal clinic of roxbury for being so friendly and cheap.

WOMB PAIN

7.29.08
last week, here at knuckles deep, we dipped our toes into the ocean of issues in the world. today we bring up another pressing and important topic: birth control.

i would like to make the following disclaimer: i will try to keep the graphic nature of this post as it pertains to my lady parts at a minimum. continue at your own risk.

i got to go to the lady doctor yesterday to have my IUD removed and replaced. it is about 20 minutes of ridiculous discomfort and pain that comes with the end result of 5 years of baby-free living. as if the terrible-ness of the procedure itself wasn't enough, for the next few days my uterus will be as angry as that one time i threw kevin in the bathtub just to see how she would react (not well is the answer, not well at all). also, i'm enjoying the hilarity of an after care sheet that tells me to 'not put anything in my vagina for the next two days'. not 'refrain from sexual intercourse' or something a little more medicinal sounding. simply, 'don't put anything in your vagina'. it doesn't get any more succint than that i suppose. they should probably suggest some alternatves, like anal or h.j.'s.

moral of the story: ladies, don't get pregnant. dudes, don't get ladies pregnant. and while i may bitch about my womb/uterus/cervix for the next couple days, it's ultimately worth it. because i won't be getting knocked up any time soon. and that is awesome because babies are gross.

knuckles deep would also like to remind you that IUD's, the birth control pill/patch, norplant, depo et al. do not prevent the contraction of HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. please, use a condom.

FISH BOAT

7.28.08

art director, aislinn b. palmer's brother, dylan, has been working on a fish boat in alaska for the last 6 weeks. he came home on friday. knuckles deep would like to use today to say 'welcome home douche nozzle!!'.

sorry

7.24.08 were there an installment of knuckles deep today, the phrase would have been 'SHIT MOOD'.  because that's what i was in until about 4pm, leaving me feeling absolutely apathetic and with a creativity level of -4.

also, knuckles deep is taking a 3 day weekend, as aislinn is lucky enough to have the day off tomorrow.  totally aids.  

see you all monday.

TEEN WOLF

7.23.08  first off, aislinn and i had a hard time coming up with todays phrase.  i think it was partially due to being very busy at work and also, the pressure of pleasing our followers.  anywho, aislinn had brought up a few funny ones that i wasn't quite sure you all were ready for, and out of the ideas she had, she morphed them into 'teen wolf'.

i liked teen wolf, because i have a funny story about this movie (even though it really has nothing to do with the actual movie).  also, i'd like to make the disclaimer that i'm not sure 'teen wolf' was the movie in this story, i have an inkling that it might have been 'back to the future I'.  i mean really, they're both MJF, although, B2F does feature music by the incredible (and jewish) huey lewis and the news, while teen wolf just has beach boys. gross.

this is one of those things where you probably had to be there or at least hear the story in person for it to by funny, but trust me it was hilarious. hilarious! hilarious. (anyone who got the dylans couch reference just then totally gets an h.j. on the house).

anyway, some folks and i were going to up to normana/sons of norway for some camping.  i believe it was for bumberpoop, the annual 'fuck bumbershit' trip.  and on the first night it was just margo, gordon, tracy (i think) and myself.  we decided that we would all sleep in the trailer that first night since there were so few of us (and kirsten wasn't going to be up there yet, so gordon didn't need the trailer to hump in).  long story short, after many, many, many beers gordon, margo and i ended up in a twin (maybe a double, but i don't think so) bed together, while margo and i yelled for gordon to 'PUT IT IN!'.  we were talking about him putting the movie (teen wolf/b2f) into the tv/vcr combo, not peen2's in choon's.  funny thing, i can't remember the rest of that night or where i even ended up sleeping, because i'm pretty sure it wasn't in the bed, though i can't say for certain.  point of the story is that 'gordon, put it in' still isn't old.

you're welcome to tell me that was a stupid story.  it's cool, i can handle it.  but, really, it was pretty funny.

the picture also features some awesome shoelaces i got.  you can't really tell, but they're red and black checked and that is coo.  it's also the first time i've worn shoes in july, really it's probably been since mid-june (at least) since i've worn shoes and i thought i would celebrate occasion.  this of course excludes tap shoes.  and slutty heels....which i'm learning to walk in rather well, thankyouverymuch.